Day 11 ~ Double Digits!

I haven't posted for the last day or so because I hit my stride and well, you know, life moves right along.  Yesterday was a stressful day on the teen front and I found myself thinking about drinking to calm down.  I mean actually thinking seriously about it.  Why I deserve it, why it is okay and why not, it's just one day.  But I stuck with my routine, which is becoming my new normal:  I went to the store, got groceries, came home and made dinner.  After dinner I cleaned up a bit then watched a new show that I just got hooked on called The Killers.  Once I get to that point of relaxation, where I can feel my body release, then I'm okay.  I wasn't able to go to Kaia Monday because I forgot my workout stuff by the door.  So I concentrated on eating light and early, then not eating a few hours before bedtime.  This has also become the norm. I don't binge on food, or chips or anything late at night because I'm not drinking.  I have a low calorie dessert and then that's it.

I've had moments the past few days where I don't feel like all this work is doing any good.  Intellectually I know that's not true but now that I have the pure desire and drive to lose weight, I want to feel it in my clothes and in the mirror.  My last bit of weight gain is always subtle so I know taking those same pounds off is not going to be very noticeable until it just is.  I'm focused and really feel like this is how I am supposed to be living life.  As for cravings, I'm still not having them.  Which is weird because usually I crave alcohol especially when I see people on TV drinking.  This time is much different.  For that I am extremely grateful.

This morning I was thinking about how I was almost swallowed up.  How I had resigned myself to a life with alcohol as the focal point.  I was even ok with it.  It is a love affair with a lover who makes you feel good and bad, and you're addicted to both.  He keeps you coming back for more, he's seductive, enticing and smooth.  His voice is sexy, his taste is sweet and you swear this time will be your last.  Then you feel him, see him and you are sucked in once again.  You start to accept this as something you need and want.  You resign that this will be your life and it's not so bad.  You start choosing him over the people you love.  You need him, right?  What's wrong with feeling this way?

So I'm still moving forward one day at a time and that's good enough for me.  So happy to be in double digits of days sober.  I have an appointment on Monday with the dentist to have my tongue checked.  In the meantime, Kaia tonight and tomorrow and two bike rides are in my future.  Loving this weather!!

Jen