Why it's Time

I'm sitting here thinking about food when I should be going to the gym. Do you see the girl in the picture? That's me, just not today. That's warrior me. Today I'm weakling me. It's 5:15, the kids are complaining about being hungry. I'm hungry but it's time to go to the gym. I'm thinking about the wine I'm not going to drink tonight. I'm thinking about what I hope is the makeover episode of Biggest Loser tonight. I'm also thinking about grilled cheese. The past two weeks I've been constantly dreaming about melted cheese! A piece of chocolate would be helpful right now. So would a Peppermint Mocha (with soy not cow) or perhaps a Chocolate Martini?

I'm going to the gym, of course. Because the contract with myself is non-negotiable. I am making a commitment, no...a contract with myself. Why? Because my immune system is crying out for help and my blood pressure isn't great. I am surrounded by humans full of stress, releasing stress, causing stress--and I'm one of them. I'm also not 20 anymore (except if you multiply that by 2) and my body doesn't respond the same way it used to (Party on!) Now I'm a mom, a Girl Scout Leader, Contracts Administrator, Wife, Buddhist, Friend, Problem-solver and Sunburned Mermaid. So instead of eating, or dissolving in a glass of wine, I am going to choose to save myself instead. I had blood drawn yesterday because of the aforementioned body rebellion and I await the results with a strong ying/yang of fear and bravery. I am putting it in writing in the form of a personal contract (ala Oprah):

I, Jennifer Allen, aka Sunburned Mermaid (Straw/jen/berry), hereby commit to four weeks of at least five days a week exercise and self control when it comes to my eating. I will not indulge in any alcoholic beverages during this four week period with the exception of my office Christmas Party (December 11) and Christmas Eve. I will terminate consumption of all food two to three hours prior to bedtime. I will endeavor to be conscious of when and why I eat and will, to the best of my ability, simply eat to satisfy my nutritional needs as opposed to my emotional needs. I will also do my best to make healthful food choices (hate this part!).

I recognize that I have rarely, if ever, been able to attain this level of focus for a continuous period of more than a few months. I also realize that this contract is solely with myself and carries no rewards, penalties or punishments (oh there's punishment) other than those associated with the reflection of the strength of my character (guilt trip!).

I also realize that while I am writing this, I am thinking about food and that therein lies the problem.

Signed, ME